I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
