Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
