need another drink. this is the easiest way
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
