I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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