the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
two words: eviction party
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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