So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
