I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
