shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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