someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
