I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
