literally had 100 drinks last night.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
