i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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