i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
