I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
