We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
