come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
