as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
this hospital has no fireball
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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