Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
