We're like a lot better than the average bears
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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