Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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