why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
