Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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