i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
