whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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