Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
