i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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