you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
