I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
