MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
