I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
