i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
