Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
