life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
