I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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