I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
