You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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