Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just had sex on a roof
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
