just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
