They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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