I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
