Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
