So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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