Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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