Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
