The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
