..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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