She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
