I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
