Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
