so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
