Only a mothe r could love this liver
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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