Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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