the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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