you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
