Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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