wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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