She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
